Original Date Sent: January 6th, 2016
Sent to: My friends who pay attention, at least tangentially, the Japanese wrestling
Context: This is my favorite yearly email so I couldn't resist doing it again despite poor health and little free time.
I've watched this show live the past several years. First on PPV and then, last year, via the magic of New Japan's streaming service. 2016, however, did not see fit to have January 4th fall on a weekend. I was also sick. Very sick. Aches and chills and nausea and light-headedness and unspeakable malfunctions of the bowels. All this, with a full day at the office ahead, meant that there was no red eye viewing party for me this year. No cache of Doritos and Mountain Dew and leftover Christmas candy. It meant a day of militant spoiler avoidance (compounded by the dual stresses of a long work day and ill-health) until, finally, I could stream the show.
New Japan Rumble
I can't believe I took notes on this match. To say it was bad misses the point of it, I suppose. It's not really for me (or anyone watching at home). It's there to make the crowd laugh and/or feel a tinge of nostalgia as they take their seats. But I have several questions. Why not have someone semi-important win this so that they can challenge for a title next month (like they did with Nagata last year)? Was Jado winning a reward for his exile to NOAH over the past year? Why not throw in the Young Lions to have a go? How lovable a dude is Cheeseburger if he got to make the trip for this? Where the hell was my main man Jay White? Couldn't this have been as fun as last year? Skip this unless you're a diehard Haku fan.
IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Titles
ReDragon (c) vs. The Young Bucks vs. Roppongi Vice vs. Ricochet & Matt Sydal
Anyone who has watched New Japan in the past four years could basically guess what this match was. The names change (hope to see you again down the road, Time Splitters and Forever Hooligans) but the spotfests remain more or less the same. And damn it, that's not always a bad thing. They mix it up to the point where it never becomes boring - whether that means adding new talent (Ricochet & Sydal this year), new spots, or just new ways for the Young Bucks to throw superkicks. Every year I go back to campus for Reunion Weekend (I promise I'm not the only perennial) and we play a game called Trash Can Wars. It involves, you guessed it, throwing metal trash cans at each other. And damn it, I want to play it every year. We throw in new rules and variations and an ever increasing number of projectiles to keep things fresh. It's always one of the highlights of the weekend (unless you enjoy sleep) and I never want it to go away. Much like the ridiculously consistent New Japan Junior Tag division. Ricochet was the MVP of this year's match while simultaneously making me think, "I'm really glad Cody Hall was so involved in this." This was a ton of fun - even more so than in years past. Bucks win the titles back with More Bang for Your Buck.
NEVER Openweight Six Man Tag Team Titles
Bullet Club (Bad Luck Fale & Tama Tonga & Yujiro Takahashi) vs. Toru Yano & The Briscoes
I have soured on The Briscoes in the past few years as I feel like I've seen every bad match they've ever had live in the building. Maybe they just hate New York City or something. This was okay. I'm pretty sure there aren't six people in the world who think adding these belts is a good idea but I suppose we'll see. Mark Briscoe seemed to realize that he was wrestling at the Tokyo Dome (and not in New York City). This, along with YTR's antics, made the match passable. But it's not something I'd say is worth going out of your way to see (or if you have three hours allotted to watch this show rather than four). Yano and the Briscoes pick up the win which means we'll either be seeing the Briscoes again or Yano's third of the championship becomes a very expensive comedy prop.
ROH World Championship
Michael Elgin vs. Jay Lethal (c)
Oh good, it seems that Truth Martini was brought on this trip for some reason. I hope he and Cheeseburger had to share a seat or he stowed away in Lethal's luggage or something. The crowd has grown to love Big Mike's feats of strength. The super-strong gaijin incarnation of Elgin works way better than his previous life as a North American hoss who does indie moves. Like the last match, this was a fine piece of skippable undercard wrestling. Lethal wins via a Book of Truth shot followed by a Lethal Injection.
IWGP Junior Heavyweight Title
Kenny Omega (c) vs. KUSHIDA
KUSHIDA embraces his Back to the Future love once again this year as he is accompanied to the ring by a dude (Taguchi maybe?) in a Doc Brown costume. Not quite as good as his DeLorean entrance from a few years ago but few things are. After a rough start to his New Japan tenure Omega has really rounded into form as of late. His heel character is no longer just a ball of tics and tweaks. He's now got a lot more confidence in himself and his gimmick (as "The Cleaner" of the Bullet Club he also now takes the job literally, using cleaning spray and metal trash cans (HEY! THAT'S MY THING!) during the match).
As goofy as that first paragraph sounds, this match was really good and possibly the smartest match on the card. KUSHIDA worked the arm to sent up for the Hoverboard Lock and Omega countered by throwing as many bombs as he could in an attempt to knock out KUSHIDA before his left arm fell off his body.This all culminated in Omega hitting a gorgeous one arm powerbomb that I would have totally bought as a finish. Match ended with Kushida winning via rollup when Omega couldn't keep him up on his shoulders for the One-Winged Angel. KUSHIDA cements his place as ace of the Juniors division while Omega stays relatively strong in defeat (evidently to take over as the leader of the Bullet Club from the departing AJ Styles).
IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Titles
The Bullet Club (Karl Anderson & Doc Gallows) (c) vs. GBH (Tomoaki Honma & Togi Makabe)
The crowd absolutely adores Honma, the lovable loser who is finally putting together something resembling a win streak. This was all about Honma finally winning a title match in New Japan (though what can match his two reigns as Big Japan Death Match Champion?) after nearly nine years of trying. Keep in mind, this is a company that has so many belts that they sometimes need two big shows a month to defend them all. This match was at its best when it was Honma vs. Anderson. Anderson had a nice run in NJPW and it'll be interesting to see where his career goes in NXT/WWE. No matter what, we'll always have that fantastic Anderson/Tanahashi match from early 2013.
Honma & Makabe win after a Kokeshi from the top rope followed by a King Kong Knee Drop. Not as good as the Tag League finals last month.
Tetsuya Naito vs. Hirooki Goto
Somehow, this match is not for a title. Naito's entrance has lasers and stuff. And Goto, as usual, is just no fun at all on his way to the ring. For his crime of blandness Goto is punished by being jumped by all of Los Ignobernables (at least the members who happened to be in Japan at the time). EVIL whacks Goto with a, well, evil chairshot directly in the face. Naito gives Goto a neckbreaker through a table and then poses in the ring. Heel Naito rules. Just have Nakamura will the IC title to him until he comes back from America in 2-3 years. Wait a minute. Goto wins this match despite rampant interference?? Damn it. Nevermind. Match was pretty good at least.
NEVER Openweight Title
Katsuyori Shibata vs. Tomohiro Ishii (c)
I had mixed feelings about this match. It felt a little long to me though each individual piece was a lot of fun (and the finishing stretch is harrowing to watch, let alone participate in). I was all ready to launch into a comparison of their senseless tests of manhood to similar ones I experienced in my fraternity days. But then I realized something: this match was structured like the Western Front of World War One. Starts out aggressive (Schlieffen Plan and the Miracle of the Marne). Settles into a rhythm of two sides testing each other's mettle (trench warfare). Seems like it is at a stalemate. Culminates in offensives from both sides that leave grown men shattered as they ponder the very fabric of their endeavor (the massive offensives in the latter stages of the war, especially the Spring Offensive of 1918).
The head butts and subsequent jaw-rattling strikes at the end of the match simultaneously make one question if it's okay to continue watching matches like this and ask when they'll face off again. It's not the best of their matches, but it's certainly memorable. Shibata wins with the punt kick - but that's really beside the point, isn't it?
IWGP Intercontinental Title
Shinsuke Nakamura (c) vs. AJ Styles
AJ's stellar run in New Japan comes to an end in this first time ever matchup against the-also-WWE-bound King of Strong Style. I'm not going to turn this into an elegy since I didn't know any of that information before watching the match itself. So let's save that for when I watch the match five years down the line. Besides, it's not like this is the 2016 equivalent to the end of Wrestlemania XX or something. It's a dream match that now has more meaning attached to it. Let's not get all weepy until we're sure that both guys get wasted in WWE and NJPW goes under.
The extended feeling out process to begin the match makes sense given that this is the first time the two have faced off. It wouldn't feel right to have them immediately going into countering each other's finishers like you sometimes see in matches like this. AJ makes sure to work heel just in case the crowd doesn't get behind the most charismatic man in wrestling (and it's a credit to AJ's talent that it's even a question during this match). This isn't really a match you take notes during (and it's not like the rest of this thing has been a play-by-play either). Nakamura kicks out of a Styles Clash to the biggest pop of the night so far. The finish comes when Nakamura MURDERS AJ with a Boma-Ye to the back of the head followed by AJ taking the bump of his life on the clinching Boma-Ye. That match ruled.
IWGP Heavyweight Title
Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Kazuchika Okada (c)
This rivalry goes back a full four years now. Following Tanahashi's successful title defense against Minoru Suzuki in 2012 he was challenged by young upstart Okada. Okada won the title in a shock upset the following month. A new star was born. Their second match, one of the best of 2012 and yet not even one of the three best of their subsequent series, saw Tanahashi regain the title. Match three came at the Tokyo Dome in 2013. Once again Tanahashi won, reaffirming his status as ace of the company. Okada won the next two title matches (both classics) and they wrestled to a draw during the 2013 G1. However, Okada's title defense at the 2014 Dome show took a back seat to Tanahashi's match - which fans voted into the main event slot (maybe the biggest slap in the face of Okada's career). Last year, Tanahashi reasserted his dominance by beating Okada. Okada left in tears.
And now this. Okada is my favorite wrestler. He's the only guy whom I genuinely care about when it comes to wins and losses. The Tokyo Dome, in recent years, has been my favorite show of the year. And it seems like many years I end the show with conflicting emotions. It's always a great show...and my favorite wrestler usually loses in the main event. A lot of people went into this match thinking that it would be Okada's year. Well, we all thought that last year too...
The crowd is split as the bell rings to start the match. They're also really loud despite the length of the show and the electricity present in the previous two matches. Okada controls the early going and comes off as supremely cocky. Which, as a fan and as someone who follows the backstage stories of all this stuff, makes me nervous.
These two have unparalleled chemistry. They call back to old spots while also mixing in completely new ones that show, in the suspension of disbelief sense, how well these two have prepared for each other. They also know how to swing a match in a different direction in a sensible, believable, and still dramatic way. Here it is Tanahashi going after Okada's leg with a vicious streak. Tanahashi is gaining control and I'm now having troubling breathing (either because of the match or the flu). This goes double for when Tanahashi kicks out of a Rainmaker and then also kicks out of Okada hitting a High Fly Flow. Tanahashi later hits Okada with a Rainmaker and multiple High Fly Flows.
This leads us to a point similar to where the match finished last year. This time Okada kicks out. He dropkicks Tanahashi out of the air on the third High Fly Flow attempt. Okada attempts another Rainmaker but Tanahashi counters. This time, despite being stunned, Okada holds onto Tanahashi's arm. It's not a "last gasp" grasp, it's a "this year I will not let you play your little air guitar solo as I limp away crying" grasp. It's the type of image that would be played to death for decades to come if this was WWE. Okada regains his feet and hits three Rainmakers in a row to definitively defeat his rival and take his rightful place as ace of the company.
Just an epic finishing stretch. I may need a couple weeks to think about it and put it in proper perspective. But as of this writing this is my favorite wrestling match of all time.
