Analyzing Napoleon's Portrayal in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Original Title: Napoleon Complexity
Original Date Sent: September 20, 2015
Sent to: The participants in the annual summer history chain. This year's topic, of course, is Napoleon.
Context: This email came after several hundred messages sent by dozens of people - most of which were actually fairly serious.

Since the beginning of this chain I've wanted to do an analysis of Napoleon's portrayal in the landmark film Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. This weekend, I finally had the time and inclination to do so. The film gets many things right but, perhaps not surprisingly, oversimplifies Napoleon's character. Rather than finding a man at a defined point in his life, we are treated to a caricature of Napoleon's (mostly negative) stereotypes.

I made sure to time stamp things along the way in case you want to follow along at home or throw in some additional commentary.

5:25 - Ted (Keanu Reeves) refers to Napoleon as a "short dead dude." As we've previously discussed Napoleon wasn't actually all that short (especially not for his time). Perhaps this is why his history teacher is so disgusted with Ted's answer. At least that's what I hope. I'd hate to think that the makers of the film hadn't done their proper historical due diligence.

18:15 - Bill (Alex Winter) and Ted are whisked back in time by Rufus (George Carlin). Rufus informs the boys that they are in "Austria, 1805. The French have just invaded." The weather appears to be warm so this is significantly before the Battle of Austerlitz in December. Not to mention the fact that the French had not "just invaded" at that point. It should also be noted, however, that a significant military action seems to be taking place. Therefore my best guess would be that this would likely be a part of the Ulm Campaign.

Other notes from this scene include Napoleon using aggressive tactics in ordering his men to fire at the mysterious telephone booth that appears behind his lines. Also, Napoleon getting blown into the air by a cannonball echoes an incident that occurred during Napoleon's second invasion of Austria in 1809 when he suffered a minor ankle injury due to cannon fire at the Battle of Ratisbon. 

27:30 - We get our first mention of "Waterloo" during Bill & Ted's trip to the American West. This prompts a physical assault from the cowboys in attendance. Remember that even though Bill & Ted are in the past, Waterloo would have already occurred. So perhaps the mention of this victory of conformity over the successors of the French Revolution struck a chord with these individualists who gravitated toward the frontier.

45:00 - Napoleon, put in Ted's brother Deacon's care, eats the "Zygie Piggy" at the ice cream parlor. We again see his aggressive side as he insists upon eating the last bite.

50:00 - Napoleon cheats on his bowling score sheet.* It is most clear here that Napoleon is being portrayed in this film as a ruthless, win-at-all-costs buffoon. Without starting an argument, I'd concede that one could portray Napoleon in this light toward the end of his career. But in 1805? This seems incredibly unfair given how his career had not yet peaked. He still had his greatest days in front of him. His worst days were still almost a decade away.

*Another member of the chain chimed in here with a salient point: "Cheating on his bowling card is actually very factually accurate. He was not a good loser and, at least according to the biography I read, people playing him in chess or cards would just let him cheat because what were they going to do about it? This was true throughout his life, even to St. Helena."

58:50 - Ted refers to Napoleon as "one of Europe's greatest leaders." Shortly thereafter Bill refers to Napoleon as "one of Europe's greatest generals." The difference between these two statements is not insignificant. It also reflects a debate we've been having on this chain for months now. Was Napoleon a great leader for his country as Ted suggests? Or was he simply an accomplished general whose political leadership led France down a dark path as Bill suggests?

Also notable in this scene is that both Bill and Ted conclude that the place to find Napoleon is a water park named "Waterloo." This suggests that Napoleon was always destined for Waterloo. It is his inescapable fate. Again, this reflects something that we had previously discussed on this chain. Could Napoleon have ever ruled France in peace? Or did his bellicose nature combined with the conspiring of his neighbors ensure that he would come to an inglorious end? Bill and Ted seem to infer that it is the latter course.

1:00:00 - One of the film's many montages shows Napoleon rampaging through the water park. Especially notable here is his risk-taking nature as he dives down the water slides headfirst each time (a practice I'm sure the lifeguards among us would not recommend).

1:17:50 - During his portion of the presentation Napoleon seems to be mapping out his strategy for the invasion of Russia in 1812. Like many an armchair historian, Ted comments that he doesn't think it's going to work. Curious to think what David G. Chandler would have thought of the "Water Slide" strategy portrayed in the film.

2015 NJPW G1 Tournament Review

Original Title: NJPW Sign Up for G1
Original Date Sent: July 19th  - August 16th, 2015
Sent to: Some fellow Japanese wrestling fans who were also following along with the tournament.
Context: The G1 is New Japan Pro Wrestling's annual summer tournament. This year all the shows aired live on the New Japan World service. I watched a whole bunch of stuff and reviewed it as I went. This is by no means a complete review, just a few matches from each day of the tournament (with a full go at the Finals). These started out as informal one-liners and got more complex as the tournament progressed. These are pretty spoiler free as they mostly served as match recommendations along the way.

Night 1 - Two big matches to check out here.

AJ/Shibata - Great dickhead heel vs striker match. Really smartly worked match with some excellent limb selling by Shibata. AJ is so over with this crowd. The turning point of this match is so painful looking. Trust me, you'll know it when you see it.

Tanahashi/Ibushi - Disjointed and spotty to start but really gets going in the second half. Some really cool spots here strung together in a way that I hadn't seen before. Really fun finish. Would be the best finishing stretch of the month if not for Okada/AJ at Dominion.

Night 2 - Feels pretty skippable. Two hard cams with no commentary. This one is really just for die hards.

Okada/Elgin - This was okay, I suppose. Pretty tepid. Okada pretty much mailed it in here as he's wont to do. Elgin does some nice power spots here and seemed to make a positive impression on the crowd. If you're curious about Elgin in Japan this is worth the ten minutes it takes to watch.

Karl Anderson/Nakamura - This was better but not must-see or anything. Crowd is more into it. Both guys seem to be having a little more fun. It's interesting how well Anderson can work the Japanese crowd in comparison to Elgin.

Night 3 - Much better camera setup. Still no commentary, but a much larger and more engaged crowd helps mitigate that. Pretty strong slate of tournament matches here.

Ibushi/Gallows - Probably the best match of Gallows's career. That's not saying much. Ibushi does a great job bumping for the big man and his comeback spots are a lot of fun.

Makabe/Fale - Not terrible. Not worth watching if you're pressed for time though.

AJ/Yano - This was actually a lot of fun. YTR's shtick can sometimes get tiresome but he's firing on all cylinders here. 

Shibata/Naito - Naito's new heel persona has been an interesting turn for him (as he was basically the poor man's Ibushi before that). However, it had been hurting the quality of his matches. This is the best thing he's done since his heel turn and it's mostly thanks to Shibata beating the crap out of him for the entirety of the match. Won't be one you're telling your grandkids about but it left me wanting to see these two have a rematch at a bigger show.

Tanahashi/Tenzan - Tanahashi plays the heel from the very beginning against the ever-popular (and very old) Tenzan. It's the sort of move that John Cena has adopted as of late. A fun, well-worked main event with a very hot crowd.

Night 4 - Back to the crappy camera set up and no commentary. Ugh. Skipped a couple matches because of this.

Goto/Anderson - By the numbers G1 match. Some big spots that I didn't expect here but nothing to write home about other than that.

Nagata/Nakamura - These two have such great chemistry. The crowd is really into everything they do. This especially gets hurt by the lack of camera work since both guys rely so much on facial expressions and technical matwork - neither of which are maximized by the hard cam. Kind of a weird finish too, but doesn't really hurt the match.

Okada/Honma - Going in, I was a little surprised that this was main eventing over Nagata/Nakamura. This is a really interesting match on an existential level since Honma pretty much was Okada back in 1999 - a blond haired ace leading the resurgence of a Japanese company. This match also illustrates a fundamental difference between Okada and Tanahashi. In the previous night's match, Tanahashi immediately jumped into being heel given that the crowd was likely to support Tenzan heavily. Okada plays things pretty straight until later in the match before realizing that it's for the best to have Honma be a true face. It'll be interesting to see if Okada is willing to embrace his heel side from time to time as he becomes more entrenched as one of the top stars in the company and faces more underdogs in situations like this. Match itself is fantastic. If you check out anything from this show, make it this one.

Night 5 - The Hiroshima show. Expect a hot crowd for this one. I skipped Fale/Gallows and Yano/Tenzan. The top three matches are all a lot of fun though.

Shibata/Makabe - Nice little slugfest here. Makabe's strikes are sometimes lacking but Shibata more than makes up for it. Good god, I would not want to step into the ring with that guy.

AJ/Ibushi - I actually liked this a little better than their much-praised title match from earlier this year. Ibushi's lack of selling bothers me but other than that this match is a lot of fun. Others thought this was a much better match than I did.

Tanahashi/Naito - Rematch of the 2013 G1 Final. Naito's "petulant hungover frat boy" gimmick is in full effect here. This is surprisingly stiff and features more spitting than a Chipper Jones at-bat. You can really feel the bad blood. Very good match. Definitely worth checking out.

Night 6 - This deathmarch continues! The unimaginable Nakamura/Elgin match slated for this show was cancelled thanks to Nakamura's elbow injury that may keep him out for the rest of the tournament, Yano & Tenzan busted themselves up in sickening fashion a couple nights before, and it looks like Ishii is injured as usual. No commentary for this one but a full camera team.

Honma/Goto - The type of fun matchup that makes the G1 so interesting. The match isn't great or anything. It's sort of like one of those matches that happens on Raw sometimes where you're like "that was really good...but I'm not sure why they were wrestling." As to be expected with these two it's brutally hard-hitting at times.

Anderson/Ishii - Kinda like the previous match in a lot of ways only they did a better job of building the drama and it had a better finish. Karl Anderson has cooled down significantly since it looked like he'd be the next great American gaijin in the wake of his 2012 G1 Final appearance and his stellar showing in an IWGP title match against Tanahashi in 2013. But he's proved during this tournament that he's still got it as a singles wrestler.

Kojima/Okada - Okada works heel here from the get-go which is a good sign for his future development as a top guy. It's also a nice throwback to the character that fans first fell in love with back in 2012. This match is psychologically sound but it feels like it's being wrestled in slow motion at times. Kojima just hasn't aged into the Grumpy Old Man stage that prolongs the effectiveness of other fading Puro stars.

Night 7 - Similar camera setup to the previous night. No commentary again. So far Block A has provided better matches than Block B. Let's see if that continues here.

Ibushi/Shibata - This match is FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. Find it as soon as you possibly can. Ibushi's no-selling normally bothers me but Shibata finds the perfect way to counteract it: beat the motherfucking piss out of Ibushi for real. And to his credit, Ibushi proves that he can work that Shibata/Goto/Ishii/Honma style of slugfest that leaves you cringing every couple seconds. Remember that scene in the most recent Rambo where Stallone hijacks an anti-aircraft gun and turns it on a Burmese Deathsquad, liquefying hundreds of genocidal junta goons in a matter of moments? That's pretty much this match. Builds to a fever pitch finish. Easily the best thing since the two great matches on Night 1.

Tanahashi/Fale - This was not very good. Dead crowd, too much interference, not enough Fale getting bashed in the face (which is just about the only time he's useful).

AJ/Naito - Rematch from the Tokyo Dome. This time Naito is rocking his new persona and AJ has been rehabilitated as a top star in the promotion. Crowd doesn't really know what to do with the whole Heel vs Heel thing. Match is mostly fine though Naito purposely slows things down and AJ doesn't really help to speed it up. Worth a look if you like both guys.

Night 8 - I have got a lot of catching up to do! Full camera and commentary tonight. Block B finally seems to be getting into the top-end matches after a relatively weak start.

Elgin/Honma - This was a lot of fun. Honma is the perfect guy for Elgin to work with since he can take a beating, has a myriad of hope spots, and can handle most of the crowd work. Elgin has done well for himself this tournament. I don't think NJPW will be clamoring to give him a push but he certainly hasn't hurt his stock.

Nakamura/Ishii - Pretty good match that built to a nice finish. Best thing about this is that Nakamura appears to be healthy despite a taped up elbow.

Goto/Okada - Kinda by-the-numbers to start but builds into a really hot finish. Goto actually felt like a main eventer here. Definitely the best match of this particular show. Interestingly enough the Osaka crowd is HUGELY behind Goto here. This tournament has done a lot for Goto and if Nakamura's health fails again I wouldn't be surprised to see him win the block.

Night 9 - So far behind that I skipped all the way to the main event. The undercard looked really unspectacular to me with most of the matchups featuring one of the talented guys in the block taking on the one of the really untalented guys in the block. Though you could argue that this applies to the main event as well.

Tanahashi/Yano - This comedy feud has been going on for the better part of 2015. This was probably the most elaborate of the matches. A solid example of a Japanese comedy match. I think that YTR/AJ was better than this if you only feel like watching one comedy match though.

Night 10 - This gets me caught up! Phew! Wrestling is exhausting.

Ishii/Nagata - This just kinda faded into the wall of wrestling from these past few weeks until the AMAZING slap exchange near the end of the match. The last couple minutes are worth watching but this is pretty skippable.

Okada/Anderson - Rematch of the 2012 G1 Final here. Decent enough. Not great though. Okada is at his best in BIG matches and that's not really what this is. Also helps explain why he so often underwhelms in the G1 (minus the very good Final in 2012 and my Match of the Year last year in the Final).

Goto/Nakamura - I didn't think that this was as good as their match at Dominion last month. Solid main event though. However, Goto felt like not-as-much-a-top-guy here as opposed to two nights previous.

Night 11 - Single cam setup, no commentary. Interesting slate of matches.

Yano/Shibata - This was...bizarre. Every single thing about it.

Makabe/AJ - Pretty good match. Probably would have liked it even more if I was a) a little fresher while watching it and b) if it was presented in regular form. It's amazing how well AJ has solidified his position as one of the top guys in the company. There's not even a question about it at this point. And it's even more amazing when you consider that he was virtually an afterthought heading into 2015.

Naito/Ibushi - Two of the guys who have been the most impressive (for different reasons) this tournament face off here. Ibushi has been spectacular in the ring while Naito has gone a long way in establishing his delightfully devious new persona. Naito has gone from an off-brand Ibushi to standing on his own two feet at a shockingly rapid pace. This winds up being a pretty typical Ibushi match - which happens to be a lot of people's cup of tea.

Night 12 - I believe that this is the last night on the schedule that includes the crappy camera work. Also, things are starting to take shape in the standings as the top contenders separate themselves from the lesser competitors.

Honma/Anderson - Super fun match. Great one to wake up to. Anderson at his best and Honma being Honma. Rapid fire finishing sequence. Hot crowd. Didn't drag on too long. The platonic ideal of a G1 match.

Nakamura/Takahashi - This is the first Yujiro match I've watched of this tournament. He's one of those guys who does everything well as a wrestler except the "wrestling" part. Nakamura does a decent job carrying him here, though it seems like the Boma-Ye has reached Attitude Adjustment levels of ineffectiveness.

Ishii/Okada - Stablemates collide here. This match was fucking awesome. Both of these guys tend to fall into formula. That didn't happen here. Ishii brought out the hard-hitting side of Okada and Okada reined in Ishii's tendency to just stand in the middle of the ring and throw strikes until the crowd is tired of it. Came off like a true main event. Surprised this isn't getting hyped up more in the usual online circles. I suspect a lot of people skipped this show or didn't pay much attention to it thanks to the poor camera work. Or it happened on a Friday and other people are waiting until the weekend to watch it. Either way, this is definitely one to check out.

Night 13 - Back to top-level camera work here but still no commentary. This gets me caught up once again!

Ibushi/Fale - The nice thing about Fale is that he's not totally useless. Good wrestlers can have a halfway decent match working around Fale's limitations. And that's pretty much what happens here.

Yano/Naito - Yano starts off by trolling Naito hard and the crowd just eats it up. Fun stuff here. YTR is everything that Colt Cabana wishes he could be and Naito is such a dick.

Tanahashi/Shibata - These guys had a Meltzer-certified Five Star encounter last fall. So obviously this one is worth getting hyped over. This very much feels like an old-school New Japan main event. The extended grappling sequence at the start. The manhood-testing strike exchanges. It's slower paced than you might expect going into it but the intensity level is high all the way through. For two guys who supposedly despise each other in real life they have very good chemistry in the ring. Really good stuff here even though it felt far from definitive. I'd love to see another go at this match at next year's Tokyo Dome show.

Night 14 - An intriguing Sunday card ahead. This might just be the best night so far.

Anderson/Elgin - Really nice gaijin vs gaijin match. The crowd really loves Elgin. In many ways this is probably his most impressive match of the tournament so far. Anderson and the Bullet Club do a great job heeling it up (as always) in order to get the crowd squarely on the side of the newcomer. 

Okada/Takahashi - Okada, like most viewers, hates Yujiro. Yujiro does have a pretty sweet saxophone entrance going for him. Also, his sloppy, dangerous bumping helps make Okada's offense look all that much more effective. And his sloppy, dangerous offense makes it seem like he's going to literally kill Okada at any moment. There is interference all over the place with Cody Hall, Tama Tonga, and Gedo all getting involved. And god damn if this isn't a fantastic sports entertainment style match. Okada really rocks here. With a clear cut heel on the other side he's free to be the fiery babyface. I almost skipped this one but I'm glad I stuck with it. I don't watch New Japan for matches like this, but it's nice to know they're capable of executing it when they have to.

Honma/Nakamura - What a fascinating matchup. Nakamura beats the piss out of Honma from the very start. This built to a fever pitch in the second half as they started dropping bombs on each other. This was really awesome. Honma has become something like the Inverse Undertaker: no matter how sure I am that he's going to lose, he always convinces me at least a few times during an given match that this time he'll finally get the three count...

Ishii/Goto - The placement of this match as the main event is really interesting. They're really trying to portray Goto as a top guy during this tournament (and Naito as well). This isn't so much a match as a masochistic endurance test. These two absolutely destroy each other in one of the most brutal matches of this or any other year. This is like the finale of Rollerball come to life with the ring scorched by heat & fire and the crowd in a stunned frenzy. Ishii has a number of acknowledged classics, but this might be the best match of Goto's career (the Shibata series is the only thing that comes close).

Night 15 - This card looks kinda lackluster on paper. No commentary team but comprehensive camera setup.

Tenzan/Shibata - Good crowd heat but this was not great in and of itself. It ended and I remembered nothing about what happened.

Yano/Ibushi - Wow, blink and you'll miss this one. Once again, the crowd was on fire though.

AJ/Fale - Bullet Club members collide here. They do the whole split faction thing with the other Bullet Club bros trying to play peacemakers. But the crowd just doesn't know what to do and I feel like we saw a much better version of this in AJ/Anderson last year. Skip it.

Tanahashi/Makabe - The crowd is solidly on Makabe's side, proving that even rabid Japanese fans can be wrong sometimes. To be fair, Makabe is fired up here. Much like Randy Orton he's not afraid to mail it in sometimes. Luckily he decided to care in this match. It's also important to note that Makabe's offense looks much better when he's not being outshined by the likes of Shibata, Goto, and Ishii (Makabe is badly exposed in that type of match). He much better when he can hoss around with guys like Tanahashi and Okada.

Night 16 - Block B continues to bring the fire with a pretty awesome looking card. Same camera setup as last night and again no commentary. The other thing to watch out for here is that in the crowd there is a dude who is a dead ringer for Billy Corgan's late-stage doughy TNA booker persona. 

Goto/Elgin - A preview for ROH's show in Brooklyn! The Tokyo crowd continues to love Elgin. It is interesting to note, however, the disparity between an indie guy aping the hard-hitting Japanese style and a guy who grew up doing it against some of the best. This was solid though.

Nakamura/Kojima - Nakamura might be the truest tweener in the world right now as he works like he's gonna work no matter what the circumstances - and it either makes him a face in a given match or a heel. Kojima stepped in a time machine before this match or something. It didn't take him all the way back to 2005 or anything, but it took him back to 2011 or so. The dude can still throw a mean lariat and the crowd loves him. This made for a pretty fun match.

Nagata/Okada - Okada, decidedly not very good at being a tweener, plays a pretty clear heel here to the ever-popular Nagata. Nagata has looked his age in this tournament (the guy wrestled in WCW) but he was much more spry here. This is slow-paced with Okada working over the ribs of Nagata. Nice match here, though nothing to write home about.

Ishii/Honma - Rematch of the absolutely insane Five Star bought from earlier this year. Believe it or not, this took awhile to get going. It's like they were overthinking it. Nowhere near as good as their previous match (which is a harrowing match on an all-time scale) but a lot of fun regardless. And an emotionally charged finish that has been building for quite awhile.

Night 17 - The final night of Block A with AJ Styles and Tanahashi being the only two with a shot at winning (there is a highly unlikely Naito scenario as well). This is the first of three shows in a row at the Sumo Hall and the fourth show this week in Tokyo. It's a pretty weak looking card to be honest (Block A was really front loaded this year) so I'm skipping a lot of it.

Shibata/Gallows - I really just wanted one more Shibata match before the tournament ends. Plus, this seems like the type of situation where Gallows could actually work well. He doesn't have to do anything complicated - just hoss around the ring and get kicked really hard every so often. And that's pretty much exactly what this was. Not a bad match.

AJ/Tanahashi - Here we go! Predictable booking or not, this is the match that everybody wanted to see decide Block A. The last time these two met AJ took the Heavyweight title off of Tanahashi in one of the most shocking matches of the year. As expected this match was very very good most of the way. Had a very nice pace to it as it built toward the finish. And man, what a finish. The crowd was absolutely insane for the last few minutes of this and with good reason.

Night 18 - And now we get the final night of Block B. Goto, Anderson, Nakamura, and Okada are all still in contention, but this really comes down to the winner of the Okada/Nakamura match. A few interesting matches here as Block B comes to an end.

Ishii/Elgin - This sort of feels like a trans-Pacific mirror match with two squat bald dudes with no necks from different cultures squaring off. This match is pretty much exactly what you'd expect it to be. It's a nice way for Elgin to cap off his dream summer and I'd be shocked if he wasn't welcomed back to New Japan in the very near future. Hell, I'd watch an Elgin/Shibata match. He wasn't great with the main eventers since he never felt like he was on their level. But Elgin fits right into the midcard with guys like Goto, Ishii, and Honma. This was an awesome match.

Goto/Nagata - Goto has had a really great tournament turning in multiple Match of the Year quality contests. It helps to make up for last year when he was supposedly slated to make the finals before breaking his jaw. It's just one of the many bad breaks that Goto has had in his career. Hopefully he parlays this success into a nice run with the IC title. Pretty nice match here though it won't be one that stands out in my mind when I think back on this tournament.

Nakamura/Okada - The defacto semi-final match. Nakamura must win. Okada advances with a win or a draw. We'll see if that plays into the story of the match. It'll be even more interesting to see who the crowd backs here. Okada gets some early chants as the opening bell rings. This is a rematch of last year's G1 Finals which happened to be my pick for the best match of 2014. I was in Washington DC having just finished off a long night of World War One discussion. I stayed up all night with the great Hawaiian Brian. We woke up the whole house during the finish of the match. Okada hit three straight Rainmakers matching the torrential downpour that enveloped the Seibu Dome on that evening. This year the match starts with the two seeming to hold back on each other - understandable given their status as stablemates who have only faced off twice before. Okada breaks the truce first to a chorus of boos. It looks like he'll be playing heel here. He's been doing that quite a bit this tournament and I wonder if that will be permanent now that his business with the Bullet Club seems to be resolved (the one post-tournament edit I'll make here: maybe it's not quite over...). The middle of the match was very well done with both guys mixing up their usual routine. As for the third act...wow. Just brilliant. These two are wrestling geniuses and they have fantastic chemistry. Okada is my favorite wrestler and I live and die by the results of his matches in a way that I have for few others in my time as a fan.

Night 19: G1 Finals - The third straight night in the Sumo Hall and the sixth night in Tokyo in eight days. Usually that means a tired crowd but they seemed to be up for just about everything here - especially during the vastly superior seond half of the card. One non-wrestling thing of note was an appearance by Genichiro Tenryu (who was old even in 1989) challenging Okada to be his opponent in his retirement match.

Mascara Dorada & Taguchi & David Finlay vs. Liger & Tanaka & Komatsu - A mishmash of Young Lions, old guard juniors, and, uh...Mascara Dorada. This was basically just a collection of spots that turned out to be kind of a muddle. At the very least it looks like they're trying to add a little bit of character to the perpetually bland Taguchi.

Tenzan & Kojima & Captain New Japan vs. Nagata & Nakanishi & Jay White - My main man Jay White! Everyone else in this match is ancient, but plucky Kiwi Young Lion Jay White is in here for some reason too. I really want to see the kid wrestle someone good someday. Guess he'll have to settle for the Senior Tour until New Japan's version of NXT gets off the ground.

Yoshi-Hashi/Elgin - A nice cap to the tournament for Elgin. Yoshi is fairly over for a guy who never wins (sort of like a JV Honma). This was fun and the crowd really got into it. I'd expect Elgin to come back to Japan soon.

Sakuraba & Ishii & Yano vs. Takahashi & Tama Tonga & Fale - Multiman undercard hell continues. This was pretty dull other than YTR's antics.

Goto & Shibata & Ibushi vs. Honma & Makabe & Naito - Naito and Honma on the same team makes for a weird dynamic given that one is a dickbag heel and the other is about as underdog a face as you can get. This was so much fun. All the mini-feuds tied together in a way that was reminiscent of those old Survivor Series matches filtered through the great early 90s All Japan multiman tags. Of all the matches on the first half of the show this is the one to watch.

ReDragon/Young Bucks - Junior Heavyweight Tag Titles on the line here. Cody Hall interferes for the Bucks quite a bit and is put to good use at one point when he fireman carries O'Reilly right out of the arena. This started off as a run-of-the-mill, well-executed Jr. Tag match. But these two teams do this style better than anyone else and it's well worth tracking this one down.

KUSHIDA/Ricochet - KUSHIDA seems to be leading a Renaissance in the Jr. Division. A match with Ricochet should go a long way in helping that cause. These two did a great job of mixing high-flying, hard-hitting, and submission style. This was really good stuff. We're not matching the 90s heyday of the Jr. Division quite yet but KUSHIDA continues to represent the belt well.

Okada & Taven & Bennett vs. AJ Styles & Gallows & Anderson - This was pretty good when it was just AJ and Okada. However, the Heavyweight Tag Division continues to drag down these cards. Very interesting finish on this one.

Tanahashi/Nakamura - It's been a long month to get to this point. And it's all for the top two stars of the past decade to face off. Sure, it may have been better to get some new blood in the Finals. But, booking aside, this should be a hell of a match. Nakamura toys with Tanahashi in the first section by showing off his superior mat skills. Tanahashi then gets the upper-hand by working the knee. Nakamura in turn counters that with his superior striking skills. So the dynamic of the match then becomes Nakamura asserting his manhood while Tanahashi has to rely on shots to the knee and big bombs to stay in the fight. Nakamura controls but Tanahashi always has hope of making a comeback. It's an interesting way of portraying the company ace as an underdog. This theme played out over the course of the whole match. Things built to a peak for a convincing set of false finishes and then somehow it peaked again for the actual finish. The storytelling, intensity, and passionate crowd all combined to produce a match that may well be remembered as a classic.

Pool Troll and Beyond the Infinite

Most of my associations with music are tied to visuals. I don’t know if that’s actually very rare at all, but it feels unusual to me. It’s not so much music videos either - though, like most everyone in my general age range certain songs will forever be matched with imagery I first saw on MTV. I don’t think anyone who’s seen the “Sledgehammer” video could ever think of anything else while hearing that song. Sometimes it’s how a song was used in a movie. Sometimes I associate it with a party or a stretch of road at night or the look on the face of a girl I like.

I have a weird relationship with Pink Floyd in this sense. I associate their music with images, but not single images. I don’t associate them with any one thing. I associate many of their songs with many images all at once. And not because of drugs. Honestly. It’s because of my senior year of college.

Believe it or not, I was once considered to be very smart. I did very well in school - well enough to graduate a full semester early. Instead of going out into the real world and finding a job, however, I decided to stay on campus and just sort of...hang out. Now, even with a regular course load you have a lot of time on your hands during college. And when all you’re doing is working in a kitchen two hours a day and auditing one independent study, you end up with a whole lot of time to fill.

If you’ve ever been in a situation like this or if you’ve ever been unemployed or retired, you know that you end up picking up some strange hobbies. And I have picked up some very, very strange hobbies in my time.

One of the strangest of these was synchronizing music with movies. You’ve probably heard of synching the Dark Side of the Moon album with The Wizard of Oz. For most people that’s enough. For me, it was like a gateway drug into this whole world of endless possibilities. There’s actually a whole online community of people who do this as a hobby. Seemingly every popular movie of the past fifty years could be matched with an album. The results, of course, varied. Some produce amusing if incomplete spectacles. Some seemed as if they were audio/visual cocktails conjured up in mind of a crazy person - even crazier than the usual sort of person who got into this kind of thing. Some were quite impressive. What you consistently found, regardless of the quality of the end result, was that everybody gravitated toward Pink Floyd.

There’s a reason for that. A few of them, actually. First of all, unlike me, most of this community seemed to enjoy an herbally enhanced experience. Fair enough. Another reason is that they all know the basic moments of the Pink Floyd discography.thanks to the two highest profile syncs out there: Wizard of Oz with Dark Side of the Moon (colloquially known as The Dark Side of the Rainbow) and Alice in Wonderland with The Wall. There’s actually a third that I’ll come back to in just a moment.

The real reason probably has more to do with the nature of film editing itself. Most movies share similar rhythms as far as the motion of the actors and the cuts between camera shots go. You really start to notice that when you watch a film on mute with no real concern for the plot or the dialogue. There are exceptions, of course. Atypical filmmakers like Werner Herzog and David Lynch don’t really match up to outside music very well (at least not to Pink Floyd). But these exceptions only help to prove the rule: most films are shot and edited in a certain way. They follow a certain code of film grammar. And that grammar matches up remarkably well with the languid, dreamy music of Pink Floyd.

One filmmaker matches up with them so consistently that it borders on being creepy. And that’s Stanley Kubrick. It’s more than just the rhythm of the editing though.It’s the tonality, it’s the common themes, it’s the fascination with psychedelia and dreams. Whether it’s on purpose or not, these guys were made for each other.

You can sync up the HAL segments of 2001: A Space Odyssey with the Wish You Were Here album. Try pairing Meddle with The Shining. Full Metal Jacket lines up shockingly well with Dark Side of the Moon. I’ve always wanted to figure out how to sync up A Clockwork Orange with Animals but I’ve just never been able to select the right place to start. Speaking of Clockwork Orange, the beginning is claimed to have been originally paired with the “Atom Heart Mother” Suite only for Kubrick to decide later on to stick with synthesized versions of classical music. This little piece of trivia, which may or may not be true, helped launch a genuine conspiracy theory among people in this community.

Remember how earlier I mentioned that there was a third so-called “classic” of film synchronized with the music of Pink Floyd? Well that third case involves synching the “Jupiter and Beyond the Infinite” section of 2001 with the 23 minute Pink Floyd opus “Echoes.” And the conspiracy is that not only is it an intentional match on the part of Pink Floyd, but that it was actually meant to be the score of the film in the first place.

Like most conspiracy theories, you can at least see the line of logic that would lead one to that conclusion. Kubrick was no stranger to their music - or so people claim. Depending on which fan-produced web page you consult, Kubrick was anywhere from a diehard superfan who owned every album to someone who appreciated the “idea” of Pink Floyd without ever actually listening to their music. But it’s universally assumed that he had at least heard of them (which for some people is enough evidence). You also have the psychedelia connection. If you were living in England and you wanted to create a very modern, very experimental head trip of a film, there’s a good chance that you or someone in your braintrust would seek out Pink Floyd to provide the score. And most of all, when you watch the sync you just feel like it’s true. If life were a Werner Herzog documentary, this would absolutely be the case.

All that being said, it’s probably not true. But that doesn’t diminish how fascinating it is to pair the two. I vividly remember everything about the first time I watched it. Not so much for the incredible coincidences or the foundation-shaking marriage of audio and visual. I remember it for the gang that was by my side for this initial viewing.

I said earlier that none of this was influenced by drugs. That only applies to me. I appreciate that other people would enjoy heightening their senses for this sort of thing. When I first decided to watch this sync I recruited a few people of that mindset whom I thought might appreciate the experience. It also prevented me from sitting in a dark room by myself, which I was doing a bit too frequently at the time in my life. My proposal was met with a touch of skepticism. Even for them this was a strange way to spend an evening.

The ringleader of this group was a guy who went by the name “Pool Troll.” Pool Troll was a short little puff of pot smoke wrapped in a dirty hoody and topped with a shaggy bowl cut. He specialized in rocking out the funk music and captaining all of our intramural sports teams. He once got an “E” on a paper because the professor didn’t want to fail him but a D-minus was more than he deserved. His room, nicknamed “The Stump,” was the Penn Station of pot. Anyone who had a need to blaze, whether after class, before dinner, or during a party, did so in there.

The night we were going to watch, Pool Troll and some of his regulars went up to “The Stump” while I set up the TV and sound system in the basement. These syncs are very finicky things. If you’re off by even half a second you go from questioning the very foundations of sensory perception to questioning what the hell you’re doing with your free time.

Pool Troll and his cohorts eventually floated down to the basement and we simultaneously pressed play on the DVD and the iPod. To give you an idea of how this is supposed to play out, you start “Echoes,” the last track on the album Meddle, just as the final segment of the film begins. “Jupiter and Beyond the Infinite” sees the lone surviving astronaut Dave Bowman make contact with one of the monoliths that has appeared throughout the film. He is then transported through the cosmos, triggering the next stage of human development. It’s a mind-bending sequence of camera tricks, surreal imagery, and ideas that are equal parts baffling and enlightening. In the original film, sound in these scenes is essentially split into three parts. The first is music by composer Gyorgy Ligeti which accompanies Dave’s initial journey beyond the stars. Then comes near silence as Dave ages before his own eyes in a sort of intergalactic terrarium. Finally, the film revisits Richard Strauss’s Also sprach Zarathustra as the journey comes to a close. The ebbs and flows of “Echoes” follow a similar pattern. It feels right. It feels natural. It feels intentional. You find yourself really wanting to believe those “Pink Floyd were supposed to compose the score” conspiracy theories. I was entranced.

As the music began to fade I turned to Pool Troll for what I thought would be expert analysis. Again, this is a guy who once got an “E” on a paper. I asked him what he thought. Before answering he turned to his entourage for a moment of worldless deliberation like a sultan seeking consultation from his viziers.

“It was okay,” he said, perhaps a little begrudgingly. “But I have to admit that I’ve seen better visuals when I’ve smoked, put this song on, and just closed my eyes.” The rest of the gang nodded in agreement behind him. “The music sort of carries its own visuals.”

So maybe I am unusual. Maybe this need to match audio with visual, manifested in synching Pink Floyd with Stanley Kubrick, is something to which few other people can relate. I had always assumed that I could appreciate music in and of itself. But if I was only thinking about music in service to my visual memories, was I really appreciating it? I’d only been thinking about how the music changed the movie - never about how the movie might change the music.

The last seconds of “Echoes” drifted from the speakers as the Star Baby stared at us through the filmy glass of the basement TV. The stoners began to stir. The sync came to its conclusion and I was left with a philosophical question posed not by Kubrick but by Pool Troll.

Then something I hadn’t planned on occured. The album started over. The first track on Meddle is called “One of These Days.” It’s a pulsing, aggressive track with a chest-rattling baseline that still somehow manages to retain the interstellar tone of the rest of the album. And that first measure of reverberating bass hit just as the final frame of the film faded away and the credits began.

I froze where I stood, halfway between the couch and the DVD player. The stoners stared as the title cards flipped onto the screen in perfect synchronization with the song.

When the credits ended and the DVD reverted to the menu screen, Pool Troll, ever the philosopher, summed up the feelings of the group.

“That,” he said, “that was cool.”

Every time I’ve heard that song since, all I’ve been able to think about is standing in that basement, looking at that screen, momentarily entranced by nothing more than white text on a black background.

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 9 Preview

Original Title: Tokyo Dome Preview!
Original Date Sent: January 1, 2015
Sent to: Various people in my life who have at least a passing familiarity with puroresu.
Context: I just really like writing about Japanese wrestling, apparently.

I am pumped beyond belief for what, on paper, looks like it could be one of the all time great wrestling shows. Not only does it feature a wide variety of match types featuring some of the best wrestlers that the world has to offer, but the main event showcases an era-defining rivalry that is rejoined over a year since the last one-on-one encounter. I felt so strongly about the show, in fact, that I decided to use some of my precious vacation time to write up a preview.

This year an extra spotlight has been shined on New Japan Pro Wrestling thanks to their American PPV breakthrough in conjunction with Jeff Jarrett's Global Force Wrestling (JOIN THE FORCE). Jim Ross and Matt Striker will be providing English-language commentary on tape delay Sunday night. The show can also be watched live thanks to the worldwide launch of New Japan World, a streaming service similar to WWE Network (which even borrowed the "9-99" catchphrase by charging 999 yen per month for their service - somewhere Herman Cain patiently waits for royalty checks).

Below is a breakdown of each match on the card giving a reason why a first-time viewer should be excited and why a long time viewer should be excited.

Pre-Show: New Japan Rumble

Why a First-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: Does anyone not love an over-the-top-rope battle royal? The rules are unclear to me but there's a chance that this could even be contested Royal Rumble style.

Why a Long-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: It could be a Royal Rumble! Lots of old school faces in this one including Liger, Nagata, Tiger Mask, and Nakanishi. Plus, there is always the chance that Muta could hobble down the entrance ramp for a Shining Wizard or two. 

Prediction: Yuji Nagata is the biggest of the announced names involved here (though it should be said that Liger is bigger with international audiences) so I'd say he's probably the favorite to win.

IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Championship

ReDRagon (Bobby Fish & Kyle O'Reilly) vs. Forever Hooligans (Rocky Romero & Alex Koslov) vs. The Young Bucks (Nick & Matt Jackson) vs. Time Splitters (Alex Shelley & KUSHIDA)

Why a First-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: Do you like flips? Do you like super kicks? Do you like comedic misunderstandings? Well, this match will have all that and more. These teams have been having great matches together for years now and they should have some time to really let loose with everything they've got.

Why a Long-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: Any combination of these teams would be great but all four of them is magic. The Young Bucks and ReDRagon have provided a shot of adrenaline to an already hyperactive division that has turned every opening match this year into a Crank sequel. It's as if somebody sat these guys down in front of The Raid 2 Clockwork Orange-style and told them that their families would be in great danger if they didn't set out to top those action scenes every time out.

Prediction: I don't know that I've ever picked one of these Jr. Tag matches correctly, but it seems like it's about time for the belts to rotate back to the Hooligans.

The Bullet Club (Bad Luck Fale & Yujiro Takahashi & Jeff Jarrett) vs. Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Satoshi Kojima & Tomoaki Honma

Why a First-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: Remember Jeff Jarrett? He's back! And he's strutting around like a kid again as the elder statesman of the Bullet Club. 

Why a Long-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: For all the talk of how great this year's G1 tournament was (and it was historically great), the competitor who stood out the most was Honma. His various losing efforts only served to beatify him with New Japan audiences. His match with Shibata was as violent and emotional as any of his classic deathmatches back in his Big Japan days. Honma's late career resurgence is only lacking one thing: a win on a big stage. On the other side of the ring, Yujiro is likely to come to the ring with extra hookers and porn stars given NJPW's penchant for ostentatious entrances on dome shows. So there's that too.

Prediction: It's hard not to root for Honma here, but with Jarrett backing New Japan's American expansion it seems likely that this will be a low stakes Bullet Club win.

Suzuki-gun (Takashi Iizuka & Shelton X Benjamin & Lance Archer & Davey Boy Smith Jr.) vs. Toru Yano & Naomichi Marufuji & TMDK (Shane Haste & Mikey Nicholls)

Why a First-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: Toru Yano (YTR) is the best comedy worker in the company, Iizuka has a habit of spray painting the broadcast announcer, and look at all those former WWE guys! Hell, even Iizuka had a cup of coffee in WCW in his younger days.

Why a Long-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: The cameos from the NOAH guys give the card some diversity and TMDK's long term loan will give the relatively moribund tag division a boost. But this really comes down to former tag partners YTR and Iizuka squaring off without being a sideshow to the Suzuki/Sakuraba feud. 

Prediction: YTR stands tall and shills his DVDs to all 50,000 fans in attendance. Also expect to see TMDK take the first steps toward a tag title shot.

Kazushi Sakuraba vs. Minoru Suzuki

Why a First-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: Sakuraba is a Japanese MMA legend (sporting the nickname "The Gracie Hunter") who also happens to be a solid professional wrestler. Suzuki is an 80's movie villain come to life who was once serenaded to the ring by the Japanese equivalent of Pat Benatar. 

Why a Long-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: This match feels like it has been brewing forever. Expect this to be slow, grounded, and intense with more than a few stiff hits that would put any mortal man into a coma. Sakuraba's best match (professional wrestling match, anyway) occurred two years at the Tokyo Dome and Suzuki is exactly the type who can bring out the best in him again.

Prediction: At this point in his career Suzuki is a guy who doesn't need to win to feel like a threat so I'd wager on a feel good victory for The Gracie Hunter.

NEVER Openweight Championship

Tomohiro Ishii (c) vs. Togi Makabe

Why a First-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: This will be two tanks laying waste to each other. Picture the Battle of El Alamein but with dudes.

Why a Long-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: There has been a lot of speculation about matches that could potentially steal the show. That is a tall order given the main event. However, if anyone is capable of doing so it's Tomohiro Ishii. He has been consistently outstanding for two years running. His matches almost always get the crowd into an absolute froth. We'll see if that translates to the dome setting from the more intimate confines of Korakuen Hall and Osaka's Bodymaker Colosseum. And Makabe is no slouch himself when it comes to big matches. 

Prediction: Ishii - if only because the guy deserves a big win on a big stage and has plenty of fresh title defenses still to come.

IWGP Junior Heavyweight Championship

Ryusuke Taguchi (c) vs. Kenny Omega

Why a First-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: A fast-paced contest for the most prestigious Jr. Heavyweight Title in existence. Omega is the newest member of the Bullet Club and is transitioning nicely into wrestling's version of Billy Zabka.

Why a Long-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: Kenny Omega will be looking to prove himself here after dropping out of WWE developmental and working his way up through the Japanese indies. Taguchi will also be looking to prove that he's more than just the tag team partner whom Prince Devitt left in the dust.

Prediction: Omega brings more gold to the Bullet Club and takes his place as the ace of the Juniors division.

IWGP Tag Team Championship

The Bullet Club (Karl Anderson & Doc Gallows) (c) vs. Meiyu Tag (Hirooki Goto & Katsuyori Shibata)

Why a First-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: Anderson has turned down WWE offers in the past and seems to be a lock to end up there eventually. And Shibata is about as terrifying in the ring as professional wrestlers get.

Why a Long-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: Goto and Shibata, former college roommates as well as mortal enemies, have temporarily buried the hatchet in pursuit of tag team gold. Standing in their way are the pair of bald badasses who have dominated the division ever since winning the titles at last year's dome show. This resulted in a relatively lackluster year in the ring for "Machine Gun" Anderson, but he now has the most capable challengers to work with in a very long while.

Prediction: Goto is a born loser (at least in storyline) so I can certainly see him losing and then having Shibata kick the crap out of him to renew their endless blood feud.

AJ Styles vs. Tetsuya Naito

Why a First-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: AJ Styles has totally rejuvenated his career since leaving TNA and reminded us all why he was once regarded as one of the best in the world. Here he fights what amounts to a younger, Japanese version of AJ Styles.

Why a Long-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: Styles has been a little lost in the shuffle since losing the top title to Tanahashi. Naito has had a tough time carving out a spot after returning from a long injury despite winning last year's G1 and having an acclaimed series of matches against Tomohiro Ishii (not to mention a pretty strong G1 again this year). This match will let them showcase all that they have to offer as they try to gain momentum heading into 2015.

Prediction: It feels like Naito could use the win a bit more and would be a natural fit as a challenger to either of the two big titles at New Beginning in February.

IWGP Intercontinental Championship

Shinsuke Nakamura (c) vs. Kota Ibushi

Why a First-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: Nakamura is the most charismatic wrestler in the non-English speaking world (and it's not like there are a ton of WWE guys giving him a run for his money either) and Ibushi is the smoothest high-flyer New Japan has to offer.

Why a Long-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: Their previous match at last year's G1 was spectacular and at least one major Japanese outlet declared it their Match of the Year. Since then, Ibushi has made overtures into the heavyweight division and this could cement his status at the top of the card. Nakamura, meanwhile, has bolstered the status of the Intercontinental belt to fringe World Title status while also staking his claim as arguably the biggest star in the company. This has all the makings of a classic.

Prediction: It feels just a bit too soon for Ibushi to get a win this big, but New Japan has surprised us all before. Adding to that is the fact that Nakamura is not afraid to put guys over (he has previously dropped the belt to La Sombra and Bad Luck Fale) Still, I think that Nakamura hangs on to his title for at least another month or two.

IWGP World Heavyweight Championship

Hiroshi Tanahashi (c) vs. Kazuchika Okada

Why a First-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: Dave Meltzer, the godfather of wrestling journalism, said that this feud was better than Steamboat vs. Flair. As outrageous as that may sound at first glance, I unequivocally agree. Their series has featured six matches - all of them are great, two of them are perfect, and one of them is era defining. This seventh match, the first in well over a year, could top them all.

Why a Long-Time Viewer Should Be Excited: Quite simply, this could be New Japan's version of Rock vs. Austin at Wrestlemania X-7. This is the biggest match that they have and it has only gotten bigger since the two last met at the Tokyo Dome in 2013 (much like how Rock and Austin had faced off at Wrestlemania initially two years before). Okada won this year's G1, perhaps the greatest tournament of all time, besting stablemate Shinsuke Nakamura in an epic final to earn this shot. Tanahashi, the longtime ace of the company, regained the title just a few months ago by beating AJ Styles. Now they are set to clash for the first time since October of 2013 with the world title on the line. It's tempting to get over-hyped for this match. But given their previous track record, it's hard to believe that they will do anything but tear the house down.

Prediction: Okada finally gets his main event win at the Tokyo Dome. I throw things around the room in celebration and wake up the whole neighborhood.