WWE Elimination Chamber 2013 Preview

Original Title: WWE Elimination Chamber - Last PPV Before Wrestlemania!
Original Date Sent: February 15, 2013
Sent to: The crew who I assume care about wrestling (some more than others)
Context: Elimination Chamber is the last PPV before Wrestlemania, so I decided to update the folks who are attending live with me on the current situation.


A lot of people have been asking me about the scheduled matches for Wrestlemania. So far I've been able to do little more than guess or pass on the existing rumors. After this weekend though, things will be much more clear. The Elimination Chamber PPV should do quite a bit to shape the Wrestlemania card as most of the matches have big-time implications and almost all of them have uncertain outcomes. More than that though, it's a really stacked show that will in all likelihood be way better than the somewhat disappointing Royal Rumble.

Pre-Show
Brodus Clay & Tensai vs. Team Rhodes Scholars (Damien Sandow & Cody Rhodes)
Rhodes Scholars had an amicable breakup a few weeks ago and Clay & Tensai just started teaming. Tensai has gone through several incarnations in his many years as a wrestler including Prince Albert, Albert, A-Train, and Giant Bernard. He is now doing a gimmick where Brodus Clay goads him into dancing. I can only assume that he is looking across the ocean and swearing under his breath because his former tag team partner Karl Anderson just had one of the best matches of the year against Tanahashi in New Japan. Anyway, this should be a short little thing to get the crowd going and I expect Rhodes Scholars to lose together one last time.

Divas Championship Match 
Kaitlyn (c) vs. Tamina Snuka
Tamina is the daughter of Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka and about twice as manly. They've made no real effort to explain why this match is happening, so I'm not really sure what to say with it. Kaitlyn and her terrible hair will win.

United States Championship Match
Antonio Cesaro (c) vs. The Miz
Cesaro rules, Miz sucks. Cesaro did this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heePaLlHmms) to Miz on Raw this past week. I'm pretty confident that Cesaro will hang onto his title until Wrestlemania so instead of a real preview of this match, I'll instead post links to Cesaro doing cool moves. Here's the Swiss Death (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSkZNxliS0E). Here he is deadlifting Kofi Kingston into the Neutralizer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=PNBtJ7u56Os#t=190s). And here's a montage of his greatest uppercuts (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vENrfJpNbXE).

The Shield (Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns) vs. John Cena & Sheamus & Ryback
Cena needed something to do until Wrestlemania so he's teamed up with two other bland good-guys to take on the upstarts from NXT. The Shield have only had one official match during their time in WWE and that was way back at TLC in December. Luckily, it was incredible. Ambrose and Rollins have serious indie cred and Reigns is a member of the Samoan Dynasty that includes The Rock, Yokozuna, and Rikishi. This should at least be a fun brawl and maybe, just maybe, Cena's team will lose.

World Heavyweight Championship Match 
Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. The Big Show 
This is another one that's carrying over from last month. At the Royal Rumble, Del Rio won a Last Man Standing match by taping Big Show's legs to the bottom rope. They've had a fun little feud for the past couple months and it's the Big Show's best work in years. Del Rio has also upped his game since turning face. But perhaps what matters most here is a man who's not even in the match. Dolph Ziggler is still lurking with the Money in the Bank briefcase and it seems hard to believe that he'll wait until after Wrestlemania to cash in his title shot. If your internet explodes for some reason on Sunday night, it'll be because Ziggler walked out of the building with the title.

Elimination Chamber Match 
Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Kane vs. Mark Henry vs. Jack Swagger 
This match is to determine the Number One Contender for the World Heavyweight title. Lots going on here. First, the Chamber itself. It's basically a real life version of Thunderdome: a rounded cage covered with chains and surrounded by suspended metal platforms adjacent to the ring apron. In each corner are four sealed pods. Two men start out and every four minutes a pod opens and a new participant enters the match. It's a ridiculous and insane spectacle of a match and this has the potential to be one of the best incarnations ever thanks to a solid group of participants. Jericho recently returned from a long hiatus and picked up right where he left off in his feud with Dolph Ziggler (they were also the first two participants in the Royal Rumble and lasted nearly the whole way). Daniel Bryan and Kane are the current Tag Team Champions and their love/hate relationship continues. Swagger and Henry also each returned from long absences. Henry has picked up where he left off as a trash-talking wrecking ball while Swagger has adopted an ultra-right wing persona (complete with new manager "Dirty" Dutch Mantel (under some other dumb WWE name)). Randy Orton is also there to hit a bunch of RKOs and make goofy faces. At least four of these guys have a realistic shot at winning, but I think Jericho has the most star power to bring to a Wrestlemania match.

WWE Championship Match 
The Rock (c) vs. CM Punk
I was pretty upset about their match at Royal Rumble, as evidenced by the fact that I wrote two different articles about it (http://emailsihavesent.blogspot.com/2013/01/2013-royal-rumble-recap.html and http://www.layfieldreport.com/How-Monday-Night-Raw-healed-my-.news). I was an emotional wreck for days afterwards and it's as irrationally upset as I've ever gotten about fake fighting. This time there is a stipulation attached wherein Rock would lose the title if he is disqualified. I expect some sort of shenanigans involving Punk's manager Paul Heyman and possibly Brock Lesnar as well. Rock will probably walk away with the title again though. But how that happens largely depends on an outside factor, namely if Undertaker decides to be a part of Wrestlemania or not. For a few months, Undertaker has been Punk's rumored Wrestlemania opponent, but Taker himself (who has largely retired) hasn't committed to doing the show due to health concerns. If he declines, then it's possible that Punk will be thrown into the main event with Rock and Cena. I'm actually incredibly conflicted if that's the case. Would I rather see Punk main event or see Undertaker live at Wrestlemania?

Hopefully this time I will be able to keep my hissy fits in check and not spend the remainder of the night laying on the floor in the dark and listening to "After the Gold Rush" on repeat.